Breaking up

So, I sort of broke up with my scale this past month.  Proud you are? Yes, me too.

I'd like to think that I'm finally learning something new about myself. I'm undoing years and years of bad habits and bad feelings. Its refreshing. It's exhilarating. It's FREEING. Let me break it down for you like a 12 step program.

First you get up early and workout. You start doing this more and more every week. Soon you are nearly addicted to the way you feel when you sweat. You start off loathing the early morning workouts but soon you look forward to them. (Initially I would exercise late morning and after a few weeks I started jumping into a workout the moment I got up.)

Second you start going to the gym with your awesome BFF who has unlimited guest passes to a pretty snazzy (not to mention non threatening) gym. You start with 20 minutes of cardio machines and finish with a circuit of weights. You feel like the worlds biggest wimp but hey, you did more than the person sitting on the couch reading this. (sorry, that would be you. And I love you. And you may have worked out today, I'm just generalizing here! Okay?!)

Third you decide (because your boyfriend is amazing) to get your own gym membership. You feel empowered. You are now the owner of a keychain with your membership number, a t-shirt with the gym name, and 50% off of all drinks in the machines at the gym. LOOK AT YOU GO. (Theres even unlimited tanning booths but you learn, sadly, that if you don't tan from the real sun that you wont tan from the fake one. Damn.)

Fourth you start going to the gym. Not just twice weekly with your bff, but now 5 days a week with whoever wants to go (or often you go alone). You do 30 minutes minimum of cardio. You work the weight machines. You start to explore.

Fifth you start running. Now I don't mean a run for your life because its the god damned zombie apocalypse type running. I mean like a turtle through peanut butter you just somehow start to put one foot in front of the other and cover a distance. Your mile time is just over 13 minutes. That's a 5 minute improvement from weeks ago. You again feel empowered. LOOK AT YOU.

Somewhere around the 5th step is where I broke up with my scale. Despite all these wondrous things I had accomplished, the scale was not budging. Maybe it would go down two tenths of a pound here and there (and often would jump back up), it really wasn't changing enough to celebrate over. The old me would throw in the towel. The old me would call this a failure. And the old me almost (ALMOST) won this war. But thanks to my boyfriend I have evolved into the new me. NEW AND IMPROVED!

The sixth step is you keep going to the gym to work out. You even go on days you don't feel great. Maybe you slept poorly or are getting the booger monsters cold. Regardless you get your ass into workout clothes and you drive to the gym. Your mile time is now 11:30!  Go speed racer!

Seventh is when you start to realize you are lifting 20 pounds heavier on some machines than you were just two weeks ago. Somewhere you realize you started to leg press 130 pounds with ease. Somewhere around this step you realize you are getting stronger and damn it feels good.

Eighth is when you pick up a labrador from a car with a coworker and realize you don't need to grunt, strain, or get out of breath to help carry it into the hospital from the parking lot. Later in the same day you lift another labrador on your own and do so with ease. No back strain, peeing your pants, or pain. LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME! WHAT A BEAST!

During this time you work on the double digit tenth step. This is where you stop trying to minimize your caloric intake and start to JERF! (*clears throat* it means Just Eat Real Food) You focus on eating real things - like lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and you do this with ease. You no longer feel like a failure every time you put food in your mouth. You are now eating to live and eating to fuel your body.

...

There are still two more steps. I don't know what they are yet but god damn it I am ready for them. The whole point of me saying any of this is to say that despite the fact that I haven't lost dramatic weight, I feel incredible. I have gone down 2 belt holes, can lift heavy things, and have more energy than I've had in a long time. My moods are even, I feel accomplished. I feel like I can take on the world.

Change doesn't happen  unless you are ready for it. Like really really ready. I had heard that so many times before and always thought I was ready, but I never truly was. All I wanted was a quick fix to my problems with little effort. I always thought I was putting in maximum effort but I now know that its not true. This change that is happening to me (#transformation, thank you instagram and my #fitfam) is going to take a while. Years even. But its worth it. Stick with it people. And stick around to hear how things progress from here.

**For more information about my eating, please use google and look up some stuff! Paleo diet, JERF, whole 30 (which I am not actively doing, but it gives you a good idea at what I'm striving for). CUT OUT THE JUNK and processed food! I promise you that you will feel better! For me it started with trying to go gluten free, and just progressed to cutting the shit out altogether (as opposed to just replacing gluten containing foods with other non gluten processed foods). Try this. You'll thank me. It isn't hard. It really isn't. I used to be someone who would fail at every diet out there. I now feel satisfied and happy with what I eat. :) I mean it, with my whole heart.