Half inch a month

Last night while laying in bed I took a few pictures of the right side of my head. The hair loss on the right side of my head appears to be more significant than the rest of my head (though there is hair loss everywhere). I don't know why this is happening to me.

The hair loss started in January of 2011. During that time I was sleeping very little, eating very poorly, and living in a very dysfunctional environment with my ex. My hair was coming out every day in the shower, sometimes in handfuls. It was always generalized and from my entire head, never just one patch or spot going bald. The falling out slowed when I moved in November of 2011, but started again within the year.

The hair falling out is not broken hair from use of chemicals. It falls out from the root portion (each piece usually containing the white "bulb" part of the root). Despite the fact that its probably not falling out due to damage, I've changed a lot of things about how I care for myself and my hair. I'm now taking fish-oil (twice a day if I can remember), prenatal vitamins (as recommended by others), and have stopped using products of any kind on my hair. I hardly even use the blowdryer anymore. A few days ago I decided not to dye it any more either, and to grow it out naturally, eventually cutting off all dyed parts.

Its incredibly tempting to shave it off in the next month, once the dyed part has grown out some, and "start fresh". I've always wanted to shave my head. I worry though, that it will cause me to go further into a depression about my hair. I would mourn its loss. I would feel even more self conscious. What little self esteem I have may plummet. Ugh, that sounds really pathetic.

Its just hair. It doesn't make me who I am. It doesn't make me a better or worse person if I have it or don't. Yet I have his attachment to it. I envy people with thick, beautiful hair. I cant get past my feelings of attachment to my own, and the loss I feel as it falls out. How can I get past this? Every day I find myself feeling more embarrassed by my hair loss, especially in the morning when waking up with my love and having what little hair I have be a mess. I cant hide the loss as well then. I know he doesn't judge me, but it makes me sad that I am not what I want to be for him. I feel like less of a person, like I'm lacking something fundamental that others have. That sounds super lame. *sigh*

Doctors keep running thyroid tests, trying to find an answer for me. Its always normal, even though the hair loss fits with hypothyroidism. Recently they checked to make sure I wasn't anemic and that my iron levels were okay - all of which were normal. Next step is going in (again) to be seen and possibly do more testing. I'd hate to waste $40 to be seen by the doctor and not have him do something for me (which has been my history with Kaiser). For now I'm going to stay strong with the no dying it (despite how ugly I will feel), the vitamins and supplements, and being gentle to my head. Cross your fingers it grows back. I have too large of a head to be a bald woman!